Background Part 1:
I enter into a staff meeting today. There's a large decorated cookie on the head table that says "happy birthday" and I asked someone "what's that for?" I didn't realize what it was. Their response was that it was a birthday cookie for those with August birthdays and rattled off a little of names - they sang happy birthday, etc. My name wasn't mentioned, and of course I have an August birthday. It made me feel invisible.
Background Part 2:
At the same meeting, my boss/owner and the CEO are usually the ones who run the meetings. If one is out, the other takes over, which seems appropriate. Today one was out and the other had to leave, so the Marketing Director and VP took over. Why this bothered me, I don't know. I guess it made me feel like I worked for them. Granted, we work together for a common goal, but seeing them sitting at the head table with an air of authority really made me peeved! I've worked here for 9 years and have seen so many "corporate" types come and go. I know more about the organization that just about anyone. Maybe it wasn't the issue of me not running a meeting, because in all honesty, I wouldn't want to do it all the time anyway! Perhaps I was just overreacting to not being asked. Why does this bother me? I wonder if it's because there is an air of machismo men being in charge, leaving us women-folk to be the subordinates. Ahhh...that may be a better description. They delegate and have brainstorming sessions and get paid well to do it. The women-folk to all the work....because we have better "interpersonal skills" but somehow we get paid less. I think it's because we're lacking a certain piece of anatomy. (smirk)
Thus my post...."I must be invisible." How did I get to this place with my work? I will indulge myself with a little bit of ego stroking - I am very good at what I do. I run a successful team of 58 people (all of whom are me-centric, some more than others) across 5 locations, working part time hours. The problem is that I've devised a system within my team that is so successful that I could fall off the face of the earth and no one would notice. We're stable, we're consistent, and we're generally on the ball. When there's a crisis, it's handled in such a way that those above me never know there was a problem. When there is a victory, all the praise goes to my staff. I have the luxury of a flexible schedule - as long as someone can reach my via cell or email, everything's good. Sometimes it's too good though.
I think the idea of feeling invisible lends itself to a greater notion. Are there times that we're too successful for our own good? Are we often taken for granted, with others not giving our hard work and sacrifices a second look? Have I pigeon-holed myself so much that people don't see me fitting into another position or taking on other responsibilities? Can I be anything else other that what I am now? Many times in the last year I've contemplated pursuing another line of work, but always hold back a little. I can't imagine giving up the part of the job I love. Teaching is a passion for me, not just a hobby. I love seeing people enjoy fitness and complete things they never once thought they would be able to do. If I took on a different full time job, I would have to give up that one thing I love the most. At the end of the day, the trade off isn't worth it, or at least it hasn't gotten to that point yet.
I think we all harbor a deep-seeded need to be needed. We secretly love the idea that if something happened people would wonder how they could ever manage to move forward. We crave the idea of being needed, we live for being accepted and supported. When you get to a place where people are comfortable with your talents, often we feel taken for granted. How do we deal with this? It's a balance after all. Once has to be both independent and reliant at the same time. We don't want people to need and want us every minute of every day, yet, getting some feedback is reassuring. Even a "how are you" or "everything going ok?" is nice once in awhile.
Am I alone in this? Am I unreasonable? Am I insane? Or do I need to increase my meds, have a glass of wine and chill out? I would love your feedback!
I know that you are not the only one that feels like this and I can guarantee every mother on the planet as felt that everyone assumes the "job" is just getting done without thinking about how it's getting done. We all like a pat on the back.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing leader and your employers are extremely lucky to have you. Your team looks up to you and although you aren't sure if it would evident if you are gone I am positive that not only would your employees/employers miss you but everyone that you teach and influence would be lost without you.
First, Rach, have I ever mentioned that you're a great writer? 'Cause you are.
ReplyDeleteI think you should congratulate yourself for having avoided what I've heard described elsewhere as "the cult of personality." That's the very opposite of the self-sustaining organization you've put together, which IMO is the mark of a great manager.
The downside of creating such a seamless organization is that people who are less observant often fail to appreciate the accomplishment.
I think maybe you are outgrowing those around you, who shall remain nameless. And in some respects, you may be outgrowing Lubbock. Even though no place is perfect, I can't help but think that some of the issues you mention might be less of a problem in a larger, slightly less conservative community. These places will have different problems, of course. If relocating isn't an option you feel like you can seriously consider, what about striking out on your own? Would that be viable?
Or, do you think it is possible to have a nonconfrontational talk with your boss? From what you've said over the past few years, it seems like there's some distance that's developed between you. Maybe you could start out just by talking about that?
Anyway, some food for thought, maybe.
@ Amber:
ReplyDeleteI think moms go through the same thing, or at least it seems like it! The idea of keeping a home and family running smoothly is overwhelming to me, yet you and my other friends seem to do it with ease. It's funny, so often I see families who are falling apart: the kids are running wild, mom and dad have a disconnect, and the family unit is chaotic. I admire people like you, Amee, etc who work so hard to bring consistency and value to the family life experience. It's a job that is worth millions!!
@ Les:
Thanks for the comment on writing....I love to do it and have always secretly wanted to write. Maybe this is a step in the right direction!
Yes, I often would love a change of scenery, but after being here 20+ years, this is home. Of course if we won the lottery we'd be in Austin in a heartbeat, but it is what it is, you know? Plus, Janye is here, and I simply cannot ask Alan to leave his momma. I am sure you understand. Luckily the internet is broad in spectrum (no pun intended!), so perhaps this is an outlet.
Alan & I often talk about trade offs. For me to teach - which honestly is incredibly important to me - and have the freedom I have, well, I have to put up with some s*#@ to do it. However, with that said, I do take comfort that I am trusted enough to have freedom and do what I want. At times I think I get irritated about the boys club mentality. I thought I - we - was past that! Women actually have quite a footprint in the fitness industry. Women are the buyers of the fitness product, because women generally have a sense of vanity.
I do think there is a disconnect. I may talk to "those unnamed" but at the same time, perhaps I need to sit back and watch it unfold. I have seen so many situations implode upon themselves, it's hard not to say "I told you so". I do take things personally, and as a female, I think that is part of the problem. Men and women see and feel things differently. What may be an affront to me, to them is a moving of chairs, you know?
Often I am better served keeping quiet (you know I can rant) and absorbing things. I'm a lot like Dad, I keep things in my head and when needed, can recall situations and put the pieces together. Reflection is often the best effort.
I'll keep the blog updated on this and other things. Thanks for the input!!
Hey I like the idea of you outgrowing Lubbock. Is Albuquerque too small? I think people are so focused on what so many are doing wrong they fail to notice what you are doing right! I know you do so many things right and I think you should demand to be noticed!!!! I know one thing about the gym I work at you would get noticed!!!!!! You Roooock and I really miss you!
ReplyDelete